My Saving Grace
When I divorced my ex-husband, I made what I thought was a mature decision at the time. I decided that since he kept the house and I would be living in an apartment, that he should keep the dogs. Ella and Cash had grown up together in that house and it would be traumatic for them to be separated and a small apartment was no place for a dog. If you knew how much I adored those dogs, you would understand how painful the separation was. I was able to see them occasionally, but it was not the same and goodbyes were always filled with tears. I would cry for hours thinking about how much I missed them and what a horrible mother I was for leaving them. Our visits became fewer and further in between and after a few years, they each passed away from old age. In time, I think I closed off that little part of my heart and it stopped hurting so much. I never imagined owning another dog.
In 2016, my husband Bill was diagnosed with lymphoma. It was a very rough few months of treatment and all during that time, he wished for a Golden Retriever when he was done with chemo. When the man you love is stricken with very serious cancer and the universe sees fit to completely cure him, there is no question that you are getting a Golden Retriever puppy.
We had a friend who knew someone who was a Golden Retriever breeder and we filled out the paperwork and waited for a litter. Unfortunately, this particular breeder had a string of bad luck and after many months and trying to breed four dogs, there were still no puppies. She put out the word among her breeder network and a woman in Houston named Jennifer contacted us saying she had a litter born on April 11th and they would be ready to go in mid-June. She had one with our name on it if we wanted it.
We started preparations for the new arrival. We had a lawn put in and we fenced in the backyard. We bought every single puppy related object we could get our hands on. We read every article we could find about raising puppies and Golden Retrievers. We announced to anyone who would listen that we were “expecting.” By mid-June, we were prepared enough to handle several puppies.
On June 14th, we drove to Houston and met our future baby. She was 11 pounds of white fluff and quite possibly the cutest puppy on the planet. Her father, Woody, greeted us and was quite handsome with a winning personality. I hoped our new daughter would one day be as well mannered. Jennifer asked if we had picked a name. We had. Grace Kelly.
Everyone had told us how smart Goldens are and how easy they are to train. “They just want to please you,” one person said. “Ours never, ever peed inside,” another said. On June 26th, there was a headline for an online article saying that a royal photographer called the actual Princess Grace Kelly the “most difficult royal.” Let’s just say I could feel his pain. I don’t think our Grace gave a shit about pleasing us and she peed inside more times than I could count. She would actually go outside and pee and then come back inside and pee right in front of us. She bit me constantly with her needle-sharp teeth. I tried squealing. I tried ignoring her. I tried putting a toy in her mouth. Nothing worked. Anytime I was with her, she was trying to bite me.
Bill went to Washington a couple of times and I was left alone with Grace. She ran me ragged. I think I might now know what having a new baby feels like. I was exhausted and constantly focused on her and her needs and she never stopped needing. And all of this would have been tolerable if just once she was sweet and loving, but she was never sweet and loving. She just bit me and whined. I wasn’t connecting with her and she wasn’t connecting with me.
Grace chewed up two remote controls, my Ray Ban sunglasses, an expensive blanket, a couple of shoe inserts, some chair legs, a rug pad or two, etc. She apparently loves baseboards and you can find a bit of her handiwork throughout the house. She is horrible on a leash and a walk with her lasts hours because she dramatically throws herself on the ground every 30 feet or so feigning exhaustion. She never comes when she is called. Unless you have a treat for her. She will fetch a tennis ball, but she won’t give it back if you don’t give her a treat. She pretty much won’t do anything without a treat.
Our dear friend Linda and Dave tragically lost their Golden Retriever, Keely, in early August. They were devastated and in their heartbroken state, they inquired as to where we had gotten Gracie. They contacted Jennifer immediately and amazingly, she still had a puppy from the April 11th litter that she was ready to sell. Ready or not, they were getting a new puppy. Harper arrived in Austin a couple of weeks later.
There was nothing cuter than watching Grace and Harper rough housing in the yard. Grace would bite Harper’s ears and Harper would bite Grace’s cheeks. They would tackle each other and roll around in the grass, tails wagging the entire time. There was also nothing better than knowing Grace would pass out when she got home and wouldn’t get in any trouble.
Don’t get me wrong, I loved Grace. It’s just sometimes I didn’t quite like her and I didn’t feel a very strong bond between us. It’s like a chip was missing and I couldn’t feel what I thought I was supposed to feel for her. I remember telling my friend that I just didn’t have the same feelings for her that I had for Ella and Cash. Grace wouldn’t look me in the eye.
Maybe it’s something about a Golden Retriever. Or maybe it’s just a dog in general. They just have this magical ability to find that little piece of you that’s injured and worm their way in there to fix it.
Steadily, my relationship with Grace has grown stronger every day. I started to enjoy coming home from work to her wiggly little self being all excited to see me. We developed our own routine in the mornings where she comes downstairs with me and we eat our breakfast and watch Law and Order until Bill wakes up. I remember the exact moment one Sunday afternoon where she just gazed in my eyes and I felt her unconditional love for the first time. I was so excited I texted my friend and told her “she finally loves me!” And finally, after months and months, she began to like to be petted. Without biting me! She even started pawing my arm when I stopped rubbing her ears. “Mama, keep doing that please!”
Linda and I agreed early on that we would throw a joint birthday party for the girls when they turned one. Before we knew it, April was fast approaching and it was time to start planning. I got a kick out of looking up dog party ideas online. It was fun to keep my mind occupied with something so silly. I enjoyed it tremendously.
We invited about 20 people and 10 dogs. Some of the dogs were not party material so we figured they would not make an appearance. I had a large pink banner made with a picture of the girls on it that said “Happy 1st Birthday Harper and Grace.” I ordered 50 multicolored tennis balls figuring they are the toy of choice among most Goldens. For party favors, I found some tote bags in bright colors and spent two days hand painting each guest dog’s name on them. I filled them with the tennis balls, a rope toy, dog biscuits and tied a bandana around the handle. I visited the local bakery and they were pleased to help me out by baking us a chocolate bone-shaped cake.
Of course the dogs would need their own cake so we went to a fancy pet store downtown. We walked in and I asked the clerk if they had dog cakes. “Do we!!!” he said loudly, as he gestured towards a large refrigerated case filled with bone and paw print shaped cakes. He said they could decorate it however we wanted so we decided on a pawprint cake with pink frosting and purple writing. We talked to him about the birthday party we were planning and he told us about a customer who spent around $30K on her dog’s birthday party. So obviously we were not so crazy with our little soiree for the girls.
For decorations, I found a garland with pictures of Golden Retrievers wearing party hats. I covered the house in pink, purple, orange and green streamers and balloons with paw prints all over them. I had photos of the girls framed and arranged into a sort of celebratory altar. I found party hats in all sizes.
For food, of course we had the two cakes and then Linda made the most adorable (and delicious) sugar cookies in dog themed shapes. We also had cheese and crackers for the humans and various dog treats for the four-legged guests.
The day before the party, I panicked. Two people canceled. Did people completely think I had lost my mind? Were people just not going to show up? I had some fear, echoed by my husband, that I was going to have a hard crash after the party was over because I’d poured so much into it.
Before the party started, Harper arrived and it was the most fantastic reunion. They acted just like they did when they were babies, Grace biting Harper’s ears and Harper biting Grace’s cheeks. It was hysterical. At 2:00, the guests began to arrive. In total there were 20 people and five dogs – Grace, Harper, Greta, Bunny and Othila. It was chaos. Utterly fabulous chaos. The decorations were a hit, the dogs were terrific entertainment, the cakes well received by both man and dog. I loved hearing people’s stories about their dogs. There is nothing more pure and good than a dog’s love. At one point, I caught Grace with the biggest smile on her face just strolling around the house with her pink taffeta and pom-pom collar on like she was mingling with each and every guest. She was in heaven. I was thrilled with how it all turned out.
After everyone left, we were exhausted. I don’t think I’ve ever been so tired. We were overwhelmed by the lovely gifts that people brought. Two adorable children’s books about dogs and so many dog toys that Grace will be in dog toy heaven for months to come. We went upstairs for a well-deserved nap. Grace brought her new pig toy upstairs and relished in making it make oinking noises. We watched TV for a bit and then we looked over and Grace had fallen into a deep sleep, no doubt completely tuckered out by the day’s events. She looked so peaceful in her slumber.
God I love that dog. With all of my heart. Every part of it.
