Ode to My Breakfast Sandwich
You bring me comfort during stressful times,
During stupid covid, you’ve provided warmth and tasty goodness.
Oh how I adore you Jimmy Dean Delights English Muffin Sandwich,
Your perfect combination of turkey sausage, eggs and cheese fills me with joy.
30% power for a minute 35 plus one minute on high for 65 seconds,
Plenty of time to grab a diet coke and breakfast is served.
Or midnight snack.
While some people stay up late to feel like they have extra time in their daily lives,
I choose to wake up at 1:00 or 2:00 in the morning and watch Murder She Wrote with my Jimmy Dean Delight.
It used to be Matlock before the disappointment of cancellation.
Now it’s Jessica and me napping off and on before it’s time to go to work.
The Jimmy Dean Delight Croissant Breakfast Sandwich will do if it’s the only thing available,
But it’s 20 more calories and while good, it just doesn’t bring quite as much happiness.
And then comes omicron and not a box of Jimmy Dean Delight breakfast sandwiches to be found,
The heartbreak, the bleakness of my mornings.
They make Egg Wiches with a muffin made of a frittata, but it tastes like ass. Oh it has no gluten! Big fucking deal. It doesn’t even begin to compete with my English Muffin Sandwich.
I’ve tried making my own veggie burgers on an English muffin, but it too disappoints.
Oh when oh when will Jimmy Dean bring my breakfast sandwiches back? Is my covid comfort food gone for good? Is this the new normal that everyone keeps talking about? Scarcity in the breakfast aisle? I see there are still about 497 varieties of toothpaste in the dental aisle so at least we will all have clean teeth.
Follow Up: I emailed my ode to Jimmy Dean and they assured me that they are still making the Delights English Muffin breakfast sandwiches so all hope is not lost
Follow Up #2: If you toast an English muffin and cook one of the Eggwiches, you can put one of the egg “disks,” the turkey sausage and the cheese on the English muffin and it’s quite good. Don’t try putting both egg disks on there as it ruins the entire English muffin to egg ratio and then you’re just screwed. Save the second egg disk for the dogs, they love it.
