The Dress

2012 was a roller coaster of a year. I got divorced in January, quit my job and moved in with Bill in April, went to Europe in July, went back to college after 20 years in August, and then planned to get married in December. I had some stress stuff happening and by about Spring, I was ready to take a leap off of our balcony. I can joke now, but it didn’t feel great then and I found a professional who could help. I’m very grateful for effective mental health treatment.

In December, we went to Nordstrom (aka the Mother Ship) to find a dress for the wedding. It was all very exciting because I could choose anything I wanted, I didn’t have to stick to traditional or white. I tried on a bunch of dresses and fell in love with two of them. One of them was clearly the wedding dress. We were planning a brunch in December and it was more of a daytime dress. Brown silk with colorful designs. Sleeveless and short and quite sweet and lovely. I loved it. The other one just made me smile and I had to have it and we would just figure out where to wear it later.

Fortunately, we did have a big holiday party to attend and this dress was going out. It was the quintessential party dress. The top was red, silk and sleeveless with a fitted bodice and a deep v-neck that showed the appropriate amount of cleavage. The bottom was a silk fuchsia knee length full skirt that twirled when I spun around. It had a silky red lining and there was a beautiful strand of black lace sewn into the inside of the hem of the skirt. A black ribbon wrapped around the waist of the dress separating the red and the pink. It was stunning. I wore it with sheer black hose and black patent leather high heeled Mary Janes. I looked good.

I can’t even count the number of compliments I got at the party. I felt so special and beautiful. I’d say princess, but that doesn’t even cover it. A princess doesn’t have that much fun. I’d never worn a dress so perfectly lovely. People even commented about the dress for days after the party. It was truly a smash hit.

Of course how can you wear that dress again after that kind of reception? I wore it to a fundraiser a year later and a friend borrowed it for a gala. This past year, I wore it to a Christmas party. And every single time, the dress was a star.

That dress was by Kate Spade.

When I heard on Wednesday that she had taken her life, I felt so much sadness. For her, for her family, for all of the people who loved her. And for the absolute misery and desperation she must have felt at the end.

I know she sold her company in 2006 and probably didn’t have anything to do with the dress I bought, but it was inspired by her and her energy, and it was something that gave me the most special memories. That made me feel beautiful. I don’t know what happened in the end for her, but I hope her daughter grows up knowing that she made a difference for people in this world. That she made things that made people incredibly joyful. That her spirit was a good one and it lit up the world while she was here.