45
My birthday was Saturday. The big 45. It was also the same day as the royal wedding. Months ago, I had the idea that I would invite lots of people over to the house for tea and crumpets (what the hell is a crumpet anyway?) at 4:00 am and we would watch the wedding for my birthday. And then of course I realized that people don’t actually do things at 4:00 am if they are my age unless they are catching a flight or something. I mean in your 20’s, I guess 4:00 am would be the end of an evening, but certainly not the beginning. So I jettisoned the idea and we decided on a simple dinner.
And that’s when “Broken Elbow 2018” happened and all birthday plans were put on hold. And between two surgeries, work, running errands, Mother’s Day, and trying to keep an energetic Golden Retriever from injuring her father, the birthday thing just sort of seemed to take a backseat.
But I am an extraordinarily lucky person and some very kind people came through. Birthday cards arrived in the mail. On Friday, my very sweet co-workers decorated my office, brought cupcakes and gifted me with a tiara, long silver gloves, a royal Barbie, and some tea and biscuits - - all for watching the royal wedding. It nearly brought me to tears it was so thoughtful. My boss gave me a book by Joseph Campbell and a gift certificate for possibly the loveliest spa in Austin. And the entire group had signed a wonderful card. I felt very appreciated.
On Saturday morning, Bill and I awoke ridiculously early and CNN was already showing arrivals at the wedding. Melissa brought Greta over at 5:00 and the wedding started about 6:00. We drank tea and coffee and ate scones and croissants. The wedding was absolutely beautiful. It was just pure joy. A nice reprieve from the rest of the world news lately. Greta and Gracie played and Buckwheat hid from Greta as best as he could. We had a ball. Of course we were exhausted by the time it was over and after Melissa left, we took a nap. I went running a little later and it was too hot, but it helped to get some exercise. Bill also scheduled a massage for me that afternoon.
And after a shower it happened. It was just a little itch at first and in hindsight, the smartest move would have been to call a friend and talk it through, but instead I let it fester. And fester it did. And before long, I was fuming. And that’s when I turned into a nine year old who did not get the Barbie Dream House that she had wanted for her birthday. There was Bill, lying in bed, and I hardly got a “happy birthday.” No card, no gift. Just the promise of a birthday celebration when he was feeling better. Hadn’t he heard of online shopping?? I had been at the hospital for him and run errands for him and been the kind and supportive wife for two weeks and where was my big surprise birthday party with sprinkles on top?
Bill probably made the mistake of asking what was wrong, although if he had not asked, I may have just screamed at him anyway. And that’s when I said it. “Everything has been all about you the past two weeks and it’s MY birthday!” Yep. I actually said that. To my husband lying in bed after having had major, reconstructive elbow surgery a week before. Who could have died falling down the stairs and was still recovering from anesthesia and some pretty horrible pain. Who had stitches all the way up his arm.
To say Bill was aghast was an understatement. He went downstairs and didn’t even want to talk to me. Seeing as how most of the time, he cherishes me and makes me feel like a princess, I’m sure he was a little confused as to how he couldn’t catch a break even after “catching a break” so to speak.
It took me a moment, but I had enough wherewithal to figure out that I may have overreacted. A little bit. I had been having a wonderful birthday since Friday morning and my parents had planned to take me to lunch on Sunday and then there would be pedicures with my Mom. I was not missing out on anything. Anyone would be the luckiest girl in the world to have the birthday I was having. We’re talking Deluxe Barbie Dream House.
So I marched downstairs and I said I was so very sorry for saying what I said and I don’t know why I felt disappointed. And he of course explained that he felt disappointed for not being able to do anything for my birthday because of his arm. And we ended up reading a bit from the Joseph Campbell book and there was a quote:
As you proceed through life, following your own path, birds will shit on you. Don't bother to brush it off.
Getting a comedic view of your situation gives you spiritual distance.
Having a sense of humor saves you.
It was exactly what we needed to hear in that moment. And then Bill said exactly what I needed to hear in that moment, “Do you want to go to Tiffany’s?”
Um, yes. That would be exactly the right thing to do. And we went to Tiffany’s and Bill bought me the most extraordinary amethyst earrings I’ve ever seen. Then we went to the spa for my massage and Bill said he would just walk around. I felt myself extremely worried about him and made him promise to sit down if he didn’t feel well. The entire massage, I worried. I pictured him fainting from the pain in his arm and breaking his other arm. I could just hardly relax at all.
And afterwards it hit me. I had been all wrapped up in this terror that something was going to happen to him. No wonder I felt like I was on the verge of tears all week. I thought if I didn’t take care of him every second of the day, he would get cancer again or fall and break something. No wonder I was absolutely exhausted and getting crazier by the moment. I had this huge responsibility on my shoulders. I was making myself completely responsible for Bill’s life.
And really all it took was that realization and then talking to Bill about it and I was free. I didn’t have to carry all of this myself. I had a partner and he was perfectly capable of taking care of himself. What a load off!
My 45th birthday turned out to be pretty close to the Barbie Dream House. I let go of a lot of fear I was having and got closer to my husband. The earrings didn’t hurt either.
