Embrace the Fluffiness

I was joking around with a friend about the current state of affairs and I came up with a mood scale (pictured above) that seemed to fit 2020. It made us laugh and that’s just not easy to do lately. My favorite meme right now is the one that says, “Thirty days hath September, April, June and November, all the rest have 31, except for 2020, which has 5328.” So fluffing true! This is the longest year ever and trying to look on the bright side has become wearisome. I’m over it.

Bill and I went to Europe the first year we were together. It was full of a lot of ups and a few downs. On the flight back, we were crammed on a plane for nine hours and then were subjected to customs in Newark and a six or so hour layover before flying back to Austin. We were so tired, we didn’t really leave the apartment for three days. I remember thinking that this method of travel was inhumane. People were not meant to endure these conditions. And I know, I know. You went to Europe right? Cry me a river. Of course I’m glad I went and I’d do it again, but the hours and condition of travel were uncomfortable to say the very least.

Comparing that trip back to Austin to the events of this year is like comparing the Four Seasons to that no-tell motel off the freeway with that funny smell, hourly rates, and free porn channel. There’s just no other way to say it. This year just sucks. It’s inhumane. We were not meant to live this way. And I don’t even have it as bad as other people. What about people trying to juggle work and children? What about people who can’t get work right now? What about people who are sick? We just can’t compare our situation to others though. You just don’t know what’s happening in someone else’s life.

You are welcome to “accentuate the positive” and “eliminate the negative” and I certainly applaud your decision to do so. For me though, I’m going to give myself permission to be pissed off and embrace my inner pessimist. At least every once in a while. Pretending to be “up” all the time is just not healthy for me. For years, I felt ashamed to not be a Pollyanna all the time. People don’t like a grouch or a Wendy whiner. And I can put on the phony smile with the best of them, but I’m going to need to wolf down a few cheesecakes afterwards and I’m just unwilling to do that anymore.

Don’t get me wrong, I am participating in perfectly healthy methods of distraction like gardening, sewing, drawing, and some exercise. A girl just can’t be angry all of the time. The pets start to get scared after a while. I’m just saying that we don’t have to be jolly 24/7. I mean you can, but it sounds exhausting.

I think we are allowed to be pissed off when our president is a fluffing lecher who can’t tell the truth to save his life and who grossly mishandled this global health crisis. He is an abomination. I think we are allowed to be angry when a global pandemic has completely disrupted most every part of your life and you can’t hug your friends and family or go anywhere without a mask and remembering to continuously sanitize yourself. I am so sick of hand sanitizer. And you can make it smell like lavender, but it’s still fluffing hand sanitizer. I think we are allowed to be a little miffed when our spouses have to have the same surgery twice in one year (oh wait, that may just be at our house) because the first surgery “failed” and it adds months to the recovery process. I think we can get a little perturbed when our distraction methods cause a herniated disc and pinched nerve and we can’t do anything for weeks (oh wait, that may be just our house too).

And you all may have your personal stories of hardship. I’m sure you do. I invite you to embrace that part of you that is just sick of trying to make lemonade out of lemons. Sometimes there just isn’t enough sugar in the world to make a situation easier to swallow. Sometimes it’s OK to just burst into tears, beat the heck out of your couch with a pillow, scream in your car, or get it all out by venting to a friend. There is no shame in that. This stuff is hard and we are doing the best that we can.

In the wise words of Olympia Dukakis, in the great movie classic Steel Magnolias, “If you don’t have anything nice to say about anybody (or anything else for that matter), come sit by me.” You need to vent? Call me. You need to have a temper tantrum? I give you permission.